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Sunday, April 11, 2004
The Day of Reckoning came closer as E clock tickles down...
Haiz, Painz~ haven been blogging for the past week.. damm been workin overnight nightly until now, my biological clock is spoilt.. the earliest I can sleep now is 4am?!? wat E hell... 3 more weeks, 3 MORE WEEKS! b4 I either embark on to a new stage in my life, where I will finally be reunited wif all my fellow "xiong di"s in the tiny, but warm and sunny island, known by the name of Puala Tekong~ OR' I be alone in Ngee Ann, stayin back for another damm last 6mths.. Obviously, I wont wana stay back for 6more months, but in life, a lot of things r beyond E control of my puny being... be it tiny matters to Full-blown serious matters lik this IIP.. "Shi Shi He Cheng You Jue Dui, Zhi Pai Wu Jue Xin". this proverb, I lik it a lot, but I only believe E 1st part of the idiom at this desperate stage.. I used to believe in myself, and most of E times I failed, its mainly becos of Fate and the lack of Luck.. it always bring me to a lwhole new low point in life, but I realised m failure is not "Tian Yi" nor "Ren Wei".. I met 1 fren YK recently who told me sumthin which enlightened me greatly.. throu its a bit crap as he said it in our "chinese pugilist" kunfu terms... "Bu Shi Tian Yi yao Ni qu bai, Er shi ni de Xin Ge, Ni Tai Qiang le, shi ni shen bian de Ren, dou chen wei le yu chun de jia hou." 2nd phrase was "Tian xia bu shi yi ge ren to da, ni bai. Yin wei Ni cong bu ken Fang Xia ni Zhun Gui de Zhi Wo, cai shi Ni luo de jin Tian de Jue Jing." final phrase, "tai xiang xin zhi ji de ren, bian zhu ding yao BAI!!!" His profund words of wisdom, makes me look at myself in a whole new perspective.. I looked at things differently now.. as I derive this phrase of mine from his golden words, "Mo shi zhai Ren, Cheng shi zhai Tian, wo ke shen guo Tian Xia ren, que da bu bai Chang Tian, dui yu Tian, wo ye Wu Neng Wei Li". To pple who r my kind, pple who understand wat the hell I'm tokin abt, I believe U understand my situation.. but as we, this kind of people are few and scarce in the world cos we r termed under a type of pple known as Tenshikon in Japanese terms.. so I dun realli expect any1 to understand wat I'm tokin abt.. Anyway, at least I'm now left wif the IIP presentation and UAT shit, I could onli look forward to Judgement day to pass n go wif out a single trace of memory embedded in my mind.. haiz.
"of all E things I've lost, I missed my Mind E most..." ---> [Zhong Hua Ying Xiong vol.19-- Kuang Shen Yi Jian]


tried to be a somebody at Sunday, April 11, 2004

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history
Insignificant



I'm nobody really.Serious. Just an unknown guy, Living the infamous lowlife of human society. Unknown, Unseemed, Unheard of. I'm the good old rational goof. Running my own little life. I'll never do anything out of line, Never disturb the rest, Never offend my own kind. Perhaps you're wondering, I'm stupid I'm insignificant, I smoke my life away and keeps people away, How could I be, a good old goofy? Well a girl told me once, That I'm called Jason and I'm just another chap. But if I be a goody goody one, Live my little life, Never to step out of my own lane, Be good work hard, I would get to my final destination. Find a life, And become a somebody. Somebody. Someday. Somehow. Well it's been ages since I've seen her again. But her words still rung in my head. Ever since I've lost her in Tekong, I've come to this weirdo place in Kranji. When everyday I just run and run and run. Never gettin to where I wan to be, But never mind, I'll keep running, Be good work hard, I'll get there someday. Someday. Somehow. Sometime. When I get there I bet all my fellow mates will go mad. Maybe that would be the day they'll let me go back! Go back to you, girl. Then I could hold you again. Like we never separated before. Do you know how much this unknown chap. Your little boy, misses you? But it's okay it's all right, I'll run my little life well. Be good work hard, I'll keep to my own lane. Never step out of line. And soon enough I'll get there. Get a fuckin new life, I hear it's fanatastic, they say. And then I'll return to you. Back to the fields of the old days. Marry the sweet little you, And have lots of little 'uns. Just like the average man. Just like the average society. But first I need to keep running. Run and run and run. Until I get to there, Become the winner, Become that somebody you wanted me to become, That somebody man. But well, Until then, I'm a nobody really. Just a unknown chap called Jayson. Running my little lowlife. Wait for me.




I have friends?
My Dearest. Elaine
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