Thursday, May 27, 2004
The True Self within the Mirror
For so long looking into the mirror
I saw a reflection of an image,
A stranger looking back at me..
As I look into my eyes,
I saw only emptiness from within..
Beneath those eyes were my fears,
E fear of Sorrow,
E fear of Pain,
E fear of Despair..
How could I not know this face before me,
As I stood looking at the reflection in the mirror?
Where was the Person I used to be,
Why couldn’t I see him again?
Turning round, looking into the mirror once more,
I saw my life.
A Life that has gone out
A Life that has been extinguished.
And now all my pride,
And all my joy,
My hopes, my passions,
My dreams,
All destroyed.
What reflected back from the mirror
Was a stranger looking back at me,
just an empty shell of my being.
Standing there once more,
Deserted and isolated.
The feeling set back, where was this person
I once called ME?
Walking away from that image,
Not wanting to take another look,
I carried on wif my life..
Through the hurt and pain,
Endless torment and suffering,
The sleepless nights where I wallop in despair and no one heard.
The pain slowly fades,
but the scars still remain.
The truth finally sank in on me..
It took many setbacks and disappointments
To find the true me.
No longer am I just the image in the mirror
I am the reflection of my life,
E past,
E future,
E present,
And the reflection of our endless Love..
--------------------------------------------------
tried to be a somebody at Thursday, May 27, 2004
=========
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Wishful thinkin
Tot tt I found LuV, only to find tt its juz wishful thinkin on my own part..
Tot tt I found heR, only to realise I'm nt the one for her..
Tot I finally found luv frm within her, only to find out in the End
We are juz not meant to be.
Throughout tis Luv cycle,
I've never been a good bf.
Tryin to learn how, but still nt gd enuff
Now it's up to her to consider abt us..
N within tis period, my life's one total wreck..
tried to be a somebody at Tuesday, May 25, 2004
=========
Sick N Tired' Juz had abt enuff..
---Yesterday---
Dun know wat came over me.. I'm juz feelin sick N tired of my life.. Yesterday tio stunt as well.. if no1 to accompany me, Rashid bro LAZY to meet me N all my gd brothers in E world all suddenly MIA, I went to lot1 wif Shawn N Weijie to play arcade.. play halfway, den suddenly the arcade got smoke coming out frm the other side! N it smoked us up. So, me N Shawn went outside to create sum more "smoke" --> smoking break' while Weijie carried challenging pple in KOF blind-folded~ As Weijie finally came dwn, we saw fire bridage N police cars all came parkin into Lot1, turns out tt there was a fire at lvl5 cinema, N to tink I wanted to watch a movie myself later on.. So, we all went home..
I was feelin tired but yet I'm got tis growin Fucked Up feelin inside me.. I juz cant sleep' juz den, Rene's brother ask me to come Yishun, sayin he'll come fetch me.. so off I went, but nt b4 I kapo a bottle of XO frm my dad's wine counter' Juz knew I needed a drink. I expected Rene to hiew lan me yesterday, but the thing is she's nt even home.. call her, msg her, no reply. even her bro's call also no reply, wat the fuck is she tinkin.. why r Gals so lik tt' den finally received a msg frm her tt she's at Ling's hse. So wif nuthin to do, me N her bro started drinkin.. drank sum whisky, teq, n all the shit tt he has along wif my XO' N chat abt life.. come to tink of it, I tink her brother is realli a Mr.Nice Guy, nt sum busybody le. Suddenly become gum wif him liao le.. Feelin tipsy, I stayed over'
---Today---
In the morning,I rem going out wif Rashid to buy sum stuff tomolo at Beach Rd, lucky I rem else Bro will kill me! but den again, I still woke up late, so heck care lo. Den went N bought our "stuff", shit, spent over 30plus, KNN. Den I try to jio Rene out, but she say give her time to cool dwn, again??? nabeiz, juz a few days ago, also this stunt! So feelin fucked up, I jio my brothers to play bball. Den, JC the turban got a miscommunication wif me N he came Lot1 tinkin we r singin KTV.. sianz half' Den FORCED to sing ktv wif him N Chantell + Shawn taggin along wif me.. Had to pang seh the others, paisei hor, bros' Alreadi voice coarse frm Pierre's ktv party, den forced to sing again, totally fucked up. Coarse voice, tired body, feelin sick, unhappy N in serious need to destress, still confine me in a room N listen to them sing... KNN CCB de. Was juz hopin to get out frm e room asap. Finally managed to survive the session N juz reached home feelin sick N tired, both physically N mentally. I tink I am going back to tt dark period of my life again.. God, save me..
tried to be a somebody at Tuesday, May 25, 2004
=========
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Jianquan's 21st Birthday, Mixed feelins..
Went for Jianquan's birthday pre-celebrations yesterday(Sat). Well, woke up late N rushed down to Yishun to meet Rene.. Well, kena scolded upside down by her for being late. Den went joggin wif her' Wow, she can run fast man. almost lost to a gal! Den do gym wif her brother, while she spends her time wandering around oogling at hunks! :P later, I dun-know-for-wat-fuck reason, she PMS me... dun know its my being late, or it's my tellin her I going to meet up wif my Brothers for Pierre's birthday outin last mintue. So dinner was very weird wif her brother tryin to crack stupid jokes to relieve the atmonsphere.. Anyway, I heck care this shit' she can blow her "da xiao jie Pi Qi" for all she wants. Stupid Pierre called me during dinner to hurry me to make matters worse! Anyway, enuff abt this. So her brother drove me to town' He tok to me abt Rene la, tryin to act brotherly luV all over, makes me sianz half. Den he drove me to cuppage, which I alighted. Den stupid Pierre they all not at Sunlight!! Instead, he was at PartyWorld, BISH...
Alreadi "hot" from my tiff wif Rene, he makes me "hotter"! Worse til, Mr.Brotherly Luv insisted on sendin me over to PartyWorld, make him U-turn here N there.. So I reached there wif a very sianz face.. Anyway, only Pierre, his gf, Eush were there.. Lucky tt Pierre got apologised, else I will KILL U, Pierre! His gf kept requestin me to sing songs, haha. When I feel listenin to her sing is way better den listenin to me lo. Summore, I coughin all the way. Later, Denise came N impressed me all over again, wif new songs. Later, Miss.Genie.in.a.bottle also reached to complete her lovesongs duo wif Denise. Den, Vivian, another Diva-queen came along, all sang very well~ except me N jianquan, so we 2 became "judge" for "Singapore Idol" suan le. Halfway throu, when every1 is here, the cake came~ Much to Pierre's surprise, (throu I more surprised den him tt he didn't expect his gf will buy cake for him!?!?") Nearing the end of the KtV session, I had a bet of "Manhood" wif Pierre to "chiong" finished the untouch bowl of tibbits, N when I was about to win, he Humji den start food fight!! He threw Eush, Eush threw back N I was sittin rite btwn them!! So I siam to Linda there. But she also start food fight!! So in the end, it became a Royal Rumble!!! I splashed 1 untouched bowl of tibbits rite onto Pierre! Wohoo~ Den we all siam. Den we all siam quite fast outside, when we looked back, we saw Eush N Vivan, but we didn't see Pierre N his gf!! So for a while, we tot they kena called back to clear the room, hahaha! Den Linda go meet her guy, den we all go to play pool. We paired into Pierre N his gf (couple grp), Eush N Vivian (soon.to.be.Couple. grp?) N me + Denise (both = 1yr neva play pool grp). lolz. The pool match very funny, I didn't try to "let water" a lot lo, I juz didn't score tts all~ Den Pierre insisted I "let water maximum" so he gave back ultimate easy shot for Denise to wrap it up~ Second rd, Vivian geh geh dun know how to play, but top scorer leh~ N we lost, thanks to Denise's last ditch foul(:P), N my impotency~ Den we all char bor home. Poor Denise, go home alone~ Den the rest of us have a fun time dishing the guy surrounded by us on the train, lolz. Den Joyce started the crap abt Vivian N Eush again~ so i joined in a bit. Den she 2-headed snake, shoot me also. Worse of all, Vivian go N play along~ wtf? End of story? Nopez, me N Eush, went to met Rashid at woodlands N we made sure Rashid feels GUILTY abt nt coming today (Bopian he book out at 10pm).. Den we play video games, crap shit N slept. Eush den went to work, Rash go take his bike.pract, I go back home.. As of now, I haven bathe, haven shit, haven receive reply from dear. Got a dumb call frm Shisi askin me to eat S.sushi wif her? I suspected she either juz got Rejected or watsoever, else she wont msg me yesterday abt I also dun know wat stuff liao.. but den again, I cant even solve my own shit, how am I going to take care of others? haiz, my mind wanders again.. N worse of all, Rene still dun msg me, sianz sianz sianz'
tried to be a somebody at Sunday, May 23, 2004
=========
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Lovely Day~
Today's a lovely day.. Woke up feelin fresh N warm~ Okay, it's 2pm when I woke up la, tts y it's warm~ lolz. Realised its been ages since Serene called me.. Well, voila! got some missed call n an msg from her! Dear is finally not angry wif me le! So off I went to find her N eat wif her, she seems to be gettin lovelier day by day. oo00oo, muacks! Watched "50 first dates" wif her, quite geh yan tt show~ den spent the whole day cuddling~ haha. Am I gettin mushy all over? maybe is too long never see her le ba. Anyway, she is going TW soon for a holiday, why so many pple going to TW around me? I went last yr Dec, Andrew juz returned from TW, lolz. And me N drew went to the same places too! lolz. Anyway, to dear, I will miss U~ U muz get back to see me off for my enlistment ah? Haha! *Muacks muacks muacks*
--- A Crazy N Happy Man ---
tried to be a somebody at Thursday, May 20, 2004
=========
Sunday, May 16, 2004
3 Whole days, 2 Sleepless Night~
Wow, been super duper busy this past weekend. From Friday onwards, i been reachin home only til morning. On Friday, I am supposed to accompany Serene all day long as well as rest for saturday's Napfa.. but stupid Eric keep pesterin me to go Hamster's bdae chalet, so in E End, FORCED to go down in the evening. Finally, meet up wif Vincent, lolz. His mahjong skills is superb, he muz hav open Mahjong den in the past manz. Anyway, tt day was a gathering of all the army of Singapore, we hav Officers, NSF policemen, AirForce guys, commandos, all the high ranking soldiers of the army~ It's an honour for me, juz a small fry to be juz eatin steamboat, chitchat, manjong, smokin, drinkin, speedin wif them la etc.. Oops! Did I mention drink b4 drive? hahaha... Den at about 4-5am, Ah Jer sent me home 1st, cos morning I hav to go Rene's hse help her carry stuff to her Ah Ma's hse. But' I managed to sleep sum hours b4 I woke up at 5pm~ Den it was a case of draggin myself up from the comfortable bed, althrough I had "Help" from the rest who gave me numerous Missed Calls and Msgs. Thanks guys! I appreaciated ur efforts! hahaha..
Anyway, when I got to the place, lucky I met WQ downstairs N lucky, she is the one holdin the keys, else I be stranded outside E hse! The rest either all drove home sleep or playing billiard/number/pool at BT mechmaster~ Sianz! Anyway, den E other male WQ n JT want to play bball, so when E rest came back. We all chiong to B.G cc only to find a team alreadi booked e court for training liao. And their coach turned out to be JT's fren, haha. anyway, den we all drove to my hse there to play lo~ sianz sianz sianz' Went back, found ger WQ lik sad sad lik tt, tink muz be a tiff wif Ham as usual~ haiz. Den lik almost every1 brought their Gfs dwn, lolz. Funny man, JC actualliu brought Chantell dwn?? when Kelvin is there also?!?! throu Kelvin also brought his new Gf along~ lolz! So we eat BBQ. I tink I grown 3kg fatter this 3days. Den we bought new wine N beer. Den this time round its not normal drinkin liao le. They play card games tt ends very fast onez, not before of cos, sum gambling involved 1st, but of cos' Alex was the Suay God tt nite. He play daidee lost E most or iszit Jer? Den he play card game, he also drank the most~ WM was the best, he drink 2 small Tiger den he siam N become the bartender to mix the beer, fuck~ overall, I also drank quite a lot, cos only Winner dun need drink' Den as usual, went to play billiard at QTSC, "there got a lot of Cais" was wat my memory reminded me abt~ haha! But we were quite Lucky, no road block, if kena. I tink sure all die except WM.. Den went eat prata b4 all going back. Den I was sent home again cos I luv my bed too much~ but wait! Den Eush had to make me giam by jioing me out to sing early bird package at Lot1 K Box, lolz. So I again, sleep 1.5hrs, b4 gettin wake up call from him to wake up~ So met up wif Eush, Desmond, Shisi N worm to sing N meet Jinyi they all there also. His Hair behind is fuckin LONG! he got attach hair, hahaha. Totally didn't enjoy the KTV, 1st thing, I AM TIRED, 2nd thing, my voice was COARSE frm all tt drinkin, 3rd thing, Rene, I am sorry la.. 2 days no sleep liao le ma. U still wan me to go ur Ah Ma hse?? sorry la, sorry la, sorry la. (at least reply my msgs ma) :)
Anyway, Nitez pple! Wish Me Luck for tomolo's Napfa!!!
tried to be a somebody at Sunday, May 16, 2004
=========
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Time to Serve my BeLoveD Country~
Haiz, finally, the time has come for Recruit Zhong to serve his country. At the tender age of 20yrs old, I have finally been called up by E army. It's alrite tt SAF called me up, but 10th of June?!?! So early?? WTF' Anyway, the timing of the enlistment letter came at unbelievable timing too. The momment I finished my last paper, the letter came almost immediately' I believe the feelin would be very HIGH for anybody in my shoe~ Juz imagine, U finished ur last paper, YEAH!! Time to go enjoy, den u recieve ur enlistment letter, Bish! It's lik a Hammer rite onto ur Head! Being in E sense of heaven for a short while and den instantly got brought down to hell..
I believe I hav to start training to get a sliver for m napfa as as to hopefully be able to defer for 1-2 more months and dun need to go for PTP~ lolz.
Recap from Friday~
Anyway, the last 2 days was quite high manz. After receiving the enlistment letter, I went out wif Rene the following day. She was quite sad tt I hav to go in so early~ (asif I wasn't, lolz) Juz stone at her house N watch a few videos b4 going to Woodlands to meet Eush and the brotherhood for Drinking Session. Jianquan couldn't come, becos He got a "good" buddy who happen to fall sick, so he has to do guard duty' lolz. Den, kena stunned by Rash, cos he book out onli at 2200, but in e end, its 2300. So, me N Eush stone until we cry. So it's a night of cards, Whisky and video games at Rash's hse. lost too much card game, so I had to drink a lot, sianz half. Althrough I can tak it la, lolz. But the day after, got KTV in e morning, fuck~ So nxt day, went to SunLight for KTV. Singing was quite bad, becos of the whisky. Dun realli enjoy it, anyway, suddenly, "Air HongRay" suddenly wan to shoot some hoops. So we jio JT, JT's uncle, WQ for some bball. WJ didn't come, cos he bookin in on sunday~ lolz. Fuck, tink its because of lack of sleep, plus E aftermath of the drinkin session, I play way below my standards, but well. We still managed to win 2 out of 4 rounds of 5on5 wif the CSC pple~ Anyway, JT's bball has regained his standard, through his attack is still lost-form. Anyway, all 4 games were quite violent, althrough they were not violent towards me la~ haha, again I got a nickname from the CSC pple there, lolz. Wat "Rocket" la, "Missile", lolz. I still rem one of their players' speech, "Ni men you QIE SHOU, wo men you SE SHOU" haha, damm Geh Yan! Anyway, after tt sleep until 5pm today b4 going to kopitiam meet Jer, Zhu N Shawn tok cock. Sad ah, tomolo still muz wake up early. Sianz, I'll end my pen here le. Ciaoz pple!
tried to be a somebody at Tuesday, May 11, 2004
=========
Thursday, May 06, 2004
Unoffical Graduation Day!!!
Today is the unoffical date of graduation from NP for me.. Althrough I tink I might do badly for today's paper, but I believe my tutors r all Good People (pls pass me and allow me to grad!!!). Anyway, its been a while since I last Blogged.. Been busy wif relationships problems, exams la + sum1's constant Suaning.. U #$#%$^$%^%&%^*^&* (I will KILL U one of these days, lolz) Anyway, after the exams, Ray n Chiam wana go watch movie marathon, but sorry guys, I'm reserved in the evenings' lolz. Den went to meet Serene for a short while b4 she went for work. Den having to meet Eric later to go town as well, so I went to Lot1 to accompany Shisi for a short while. Muz "ka jiao" her today for the constant suanings abt exams as well. Den Eric came and 2 faggots reunited to go to town for sum Boys shopping of our own. lolz! After tt, meet up wif another fren for sum hoops. WQ n Shawn n Eush were all either workin or busy, bopian. After tt, went for dinner at 11pm and tok sum Cock' Went home bathe N went Yishun to roam around aimlessly until she called~ Now, I am in a warm n comfortable room, writing my first blog in about April 21st. Anyway, as wat I told Miss.Tan earlier on, we r now adults le, pls call me Mr.Chong from now onwards, n Ya, the Mr.Chong in all your friendster list is me, Jayson.
My Thoughts N Reflections
Last but not least, I would like to wish E best of luck to my 2 brothers in TT04, Richard aKa Rotiprata N Andy Lau n Ray E Lamster aKa R', hope u two can finally reunite your True LuV for each other during today's Movie Marathon~ To Miss.Tan (Faye.Wong, Bit no1 Chiobu, WQ biao mei) E list juz goes on N on, stay chio 4eveR but dun keep flashing your killer Eyes at me, I will melt! I Realli LuvVv you~ you know? To Miss.Chua (Shortie, Penny.Dai), dun worry abt today's paper la, U muz Believe our Tutors r all Good People Anyway, today quite coincidence sia~ lolz. To Simon aKa Tua Gu, thanks for enduring LEGO training wif me, fuck off to the Fatso pervert horny old auntie, June! Anyway Brother, wait for me! Now tt I grad le, I can go for my bike practs again le! To Decai E LCB, you r the best LCB n provided me wif many insights towards appreciating Mother Nature's "Artworks" of life!!! To JX, jiayou towards a new Luv, always rem your innovative ways to know Gers~ To Diana aka Princess, hope you realise your air stewardress dreams (dun forget buy stuff for me)!! To Andrew, you go be a monk la, everytime KTV forever Jordan Chan's those pattern songs~ but seriously, hope ya find your Real LuvVv soon! To Val, U can join Andrew become Monk too. To Michelle Dajie, didnt know you so lame also 1 leh, haha! Tt day den know you this "Da Jie" is a lamster, but still a good Da Jie nevertheleast!! To Serene N Joy, serene is my brother Chiam's Fav.ger in class while Joy is Brother Simon's fav groupmate, lolz! To Jinyi, Effendy, jinyi, go set up a Uni and become a Love Professor la U! Effendy, can juz go join TCS be actor liao le, best presentation(or should I say Acting? :P) skills wor' To KuanLin, I realli didnt know u r from PJC one also! So sorry, now I will remember!! :P To Ramos aKa Raul, all the best, U fake Jewish!!! grhh.. :) tink I dun know ah, sia lah' To Lemuel, Gerald, Carene, all the best to ya ya? TT04 muz meet up often ah~
Am I getting Freakin long winded, even the busybody behind me is sayin so, wa lao eh! Jialat la, but the above r Realli my True Tots n Feelins towards TT04, lolz! Anyway, who's in charge of organising class outing??? how about Sunset bay this Sat?? any1 on??
--- Jayson is going to sleep le, time for a stupid Rene to use the computer le, haha!---
tried to be a somebody at Thursday, May 06, 2004
=========
Unoffical Graduation Day!!!
Today is the unoffical date of graduation from NP for me.. Althrough I tink I might do badly for today's paper, but I believe my tutors r all Good People (pls pass me and allow me to grad!!!). Anyway, its been a while since I last Blogged.. Been busy wif relationships problems, exams la + sum1's constant Suaning.. U #$#%$^$%^%&%^*^&* (I will KILL U one of these days, lolz) Anyway, after the exams, Ray n Chiam wana go watch movie marathon, but sorry guys, I'm reserved in the evenings' lolz. Den went to meet Serene for a short while b4 she went for work. Den having to meet Eric later to go town as well, so I went to Lot1 to accompany Shisi for a short while. Muz "ka jiao" her today for the constant suanings abt exams as well. Den Eric came and 2 faggots reunited to go to town for sum Boys shopping of our own. lolz! After tt, meet up wif another fren for sum hoops. WQ n Shawn n Eush were all either workin or busy, bopian. After tt, went for dinner at 11pm and tok sum Cock' Went home bathe N went Yishun to roam around aimlessly until she called~ Now, I am in a warm n comfortable room, writing my first blog in about April 21st. Anyway, as wat I told Miss.Tan earlier on, we r now adults le, pls call me Mr.Chong from now onwards, n Ya, the Mr.Chong in all your friendster list is me, Jayson. Last but not least, I would like to wish E best of luck to my 2 brothers in TT04, Richard n Ray, hope u two can finally reunite your Luv for each other during today's Movie Marathon~ To Miss.Tan, stay chio 4eveR but dun keep flashing your killer Eyes at me, I will melt! To Miss.Chua, dun worry abt today's paper la, U muz Believe our Tutors r all Good People Anyway, today quite coincidence sia~ To Simon, thanks for enduring LEGO training wif me, fuck off to the Fatso pervert horny old auntie, June! To Decai, you r the best LCB n provided me wif many insights towards appreciating Mother Nature's "Artworks" of life!!! To JX, jiayou towards a new Luv~ To Diana, hope you realise your air stewardress dreams (dun forget buy stuff for me)!! To Andrew, you go be a monk la, everytime KTV forever Jordan Chan's those pattern songs~ but seriously, hope ya find your Real LuvVv soon! To Val, U can join Andrew become Monk too. To Michelle Dajie, didnt know you so lame also 1 leh, haha! Tt day den know my "Da Jie" is a lamster, but still a good Da Jie!! To Serene N Joy, throu not tt close, but keep in touch ya? To Jinyi, Effendy, jinyi, continue to be a Love Professor la U! Effendy, can juz go join TCS be actor liao le, best presentation(or should I say Acting? :P) skills wor' To KuanLin, I realli didnt know u r from PJC one also! So sorry, now I will remember!! :P To Ramos, all the best, U fake Jewish!!! grhh.. :) To Lemuel, Gerald, Carene, all the best to ya ya?
Am I getting Freakin long winded, even Serene is sayin so, wa lao eh! Jialat la, but the above r my Real Tots n Feelins towards TT04, lolz! Anyway, who's in charge of organising class outing??? how about Sunset bay this Sat?? any1 on??
--- Jayson is going to sleep le, time for sum1 else to use the computer---
tried to be a somebody at Thursday, May 06, 2004
=========
