1. Ah Lians wondering how come Santa’s elves ”dun look like that hamsum Legolas from Lord of the Rings, ha?”

2. Children who think snow resembles either soap suds or Styrofoam.

3. Lots of small guys in green running around are not elves, but national servicemen.

4. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer detained on suspicion of avian flu.

5. Frosty the Snowman detained for possession of suspicious white substance.

6. Santa Claus is coming to town – but then suay-suay kena detained for questioning on how he entered Singapore territory.

7. Santa later released because he qualifies as ‘foreign talent’.

8. SPGS trying to pick up Santa. Ho! Ho! Ho!

9. Santa not the only one dressed in red and white trying to reach out to the young.

10. Santa's not the only person watching you to see if you’re ‘naughty or nice.’

1. Your letter to Santa comes back with a handwritten note: “Wait long-long!”

2. Your present is ticking.

3. You’re not on Santa’s “Naughty” or “Nice” lists – you’re on his “Si Gin Nah” list.

4. You wake up on Christmas Day and see the words “He sees you when you’re sleeping” written in blood on your wall.

5. When you sit on his lap, he growls, “Eh, Siao eh! Faster get off!”

6. Next to your presents is a bill for shipping, handling and GST.

7. There’s a bunch of elves outside your door who says their “Tua Tao” wants to “settle” with you.

8. When he sees you, he doesn’t go “Ho! Ho! Ho!”, he nods meaningfully and says, “Nehmind…”

9. On Christmas Eve, he comes to your house – and takes stuff.

10. No presents – but there’s a reindeer head hanging outside your front door and sheets of paper with your photo and IC number pasted all over your void deck.